shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
