we made out on top of his cat.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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