so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
