Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
