shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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