Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
