I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
