Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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