Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
