Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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