69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
