Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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