i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
