D3 body, D1 cock
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
