I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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