I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
