His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
How external is "for external use only"?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
