I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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