Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
