my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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