id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
