bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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