ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
