I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
