i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
