in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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