My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Randomize
