after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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