i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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