her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
