you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
