he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
