wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
