oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
