Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Randomize
