What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
