If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
