ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
