I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
