You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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