you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
