didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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