So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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