i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
