people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
NoShamevember. You game?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
