i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
