how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
