Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
