He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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