Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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